My name is Lalitha Maruvada, named in remembrance of my paternal grandmother . My mother is SM, maternal grandmother is VG, maternal great grandmother Lakshmi Sodamma (LS).
I have very minimal memories of LS, one of the only vivid ones being served yogurt with rice at my aunt’s wedding. I never could replicate that taste again in all these years. Rest of my memories about her are second hand, heard from my VG or SM. One story distinctly stands in my mind is: when her adult sons would get her 4 sarees, she would keep 2 to replace her old ones and would give the other 2 to another woman who is in need.
My grandmother VG, I love her to bits. She is a very colorful personality, sharp wit, a huge capacity for compassion and yet limited by the times and limitations in her life. As a kids when I lived with her, she would sneak 25 paise to me, so that I can secretly scamper away to hotel down the street to have a snack of idli.
My mother SM...a brilliant mind shackled by early marriage and kids at young age. She was the one who taught me that true independence is in the freedom of my mind, my thoughts and my values. She was a brilliant coach too. She was the one who analyzed my weaknesses and drawback during the critical 10th grade. She figured out the solution too in reaching out to my teachers for special coaching. She was the one who taught me that just taking care of myself is not sufficient I have to take care of my sister too. And she was the one stable adult in the lives of my sister and me.
My Aunts: R mothered me when I was left in my grandparent’s home when I was 4.5 years. J read stories from Chandamama each month, she allowed me to copy notes for her undergrad and graduate history and economics classes. She also allowed me to hangout with her when she went to visit her friends. T made sure I got decent grades at school. When I was slipping, she made sure I put in learning and homework time every day. Yes the grades did go back up. She also threw me a lifeline to go study in USA after my undergrad. She supported me and to this day I can freely ask her for help (day or night without judgement)
My civic teacher in 9th grade: Civics is 20% in a course work for history and civics. It’s not a very interesting subject to a fiction addict like me. So I managed to barely scrape 8 out of 20. This was until the teacher one day accosted me near the school bus I was boarding to get home. She asked me why I didn’t put more effort into it, I seemed like a smart enough person. I was ashamed enough that for the next exam I did study and in the process something really nice happened. I realized that I actually loved the subject. I understood the sacrifice and effort that went into creating the democracy that I took for granted. I understood the responsibility I had to safeguard the democracy for future generations. And I thank everyday that the teacher Mrs.M cared enough to call out on my laziness.
Mrs. R.V: She was amazing. She was my math teacher in 9th and 10 grade. I remember the first day of her class like yesterday. I was lounging in my seat, laziness spread like cobweb haze on my brain. To my 15 year self she looked portly, who came in through the door walked right up to the blackboard, and wrote up in big letters with white chalk : Only in math you can prove the weight of an elephant equals the weight of a mouse. She turned around to face the class, a big smile formed two deep dimples and eyes glowed. I sat up as if I got a 1000 watts jolt in my body. From her I learned that a person can easily express passion for what they love doing. I learned the joy of being immersed in math. I did excellent in arithmetic and algebra. Geometry was a mental block. This I did not know until my mother (the great coach) forced me to analyze my math answer sheets, compare it with the top ranker’s answers. My mother asked to meet Mrs. RV and Mrs RV offered to tutor me for free on Saturdays. Every Saturday after that for about 3 months, my mom took me to Mrs RV’s home. It was a 45 minutes bus ride each way and my mother would wander in the market for the one hour Mrs RV was tutoring me. Somewhere it must have clicked in my mind. For the 9th grade final I got 98% in maths 2. This was the more difficult one and I had actually got 100%, Mrs RV took away 2% for me not thinking about presentation and not thinking about examiners who correct several hundred answer sheets a day.
She was amazing and she taught me for free. And because of what she had done for me, my life had completely changed. One single act of kindness.
All the Women teachers at Lady Brabourne College: I was lucky to get into Lady Brabourne College in Calcutta for my high school years. It was a different world and I did not fare as well as I would have liked academically. I was probably the only person until that time who had not got into a medical or engineering school after studying in Lady Brabourne College. Yet my professors left a great impression on me. For each subject I had 5 professors. All of them were women who had done PhD in England or USA. They were yet very simple, very much I can relate to and oh so awesomely educated.
My undergrad classmate S. We were in temperament as different as night and day. Yet when I needed a mechanism to raise money to go to USA for graduate studies, she offered me the help of her brothers. For the one and only time in my life I intentionally threw a drama fit to force my father to pawn a gold ornament with my friend’s brother to raise capital for me to go to USA. At that time all I wanted was an opportunity. It took me several months of high stress, working all hours and a break in luck to be able to pay off for the pawned ornament. My friend’s brother did not have to do it. My Dad did not have to do it. But yet all of them did and my friend was the catalyst, the connector that made it happen.
My friends M and M. They shared their apartment with me in graduate school. And for the first time in my life someone showed me life could be fun. They healed me, and gave me a sisterhood so amazing. And my friend A, she brought me back to plants. She had an uncanny resemblance to my second Aunt - even my grandmother noticed it.
MILs.: There are my GMIL, MIL1, MIL2, and MIL3. GMIL taught me the true meaning of compassion. The Rock of Gibraltar for her family, and the architect of making that family a truly good one. For 3 months my mother and I stayed with them. GMIL helped us and directed all her daughters to help us without judgement. She passed away a few months ago, she will be sorely missed. What an ideal role model. Now about my other MILs. MIL3 a truly accomplished person. She has helped me take care of the property issues in India. No questions asked and no holds barred. If not for her there wasn’t much I could salvage for my kids. The word “impossible” doesn’t exist in her dictionary. It was my Dad’s lifelong wish that he be able to pass his property to his grandchildren. 4 women made it happen. My mother with the sacrifice of a normal life, me with funding, my sister with insisting on fulfilling Dad’s wishes, and MIL3 in helping execute it. MIL1 and MIL2 are truly the wind beneath the wings.
My neighbor and friend HS. Besides being a very good neighbor and an honorary aunt to my kids, she was my friend too. Listening and advising me, lending me a shoulder to lean on. She was the one who made it possible for us to buy are bigger house. If not for her help, we would have not been able to complete the transaction. And yet she did it in so matter of fact way.
My friend UP. An architect by profession, she meticulously drew the plans for our house renovation many many times until we got it perfect. Professionally we would have not been able to afford her rates, and she did it just for a friend. And most important of all, she is the person I got to advice for everything related to schools for my children. She shares all she know without a reserve. Anyone who has lived in the hyper competitive high school world of Bay Area would instantly recognize her as an extra ordinary person.
My friends S and S: Such wonderful ladies, who threw their hearts and homes open when I needed it the most.
My friend AJK, sharp as a tack, and so generous to let me be me. To her house I can go, sleep on her living room sofa, raid her fridge and sleep like a baby.
My friend SB: a dentist by profession, an amazing lady. She is the role model I show to my kids. In her I point to them the truly predictable model of hard work, learning used to support self and a few others. Through her professional small business she is the epitome of American small business that form the fabric of this culture. In the Bay Area it is very easy to be sidetracked by the glitzy get-rich-over-IPO stories all around us. In that world she shows the truly sustainable path over generations. Through her life she lives the example of respect for hard work.
My friend D: She is the one who challenged me the most to push my boundaries.
My friend MB: she taught music to my kids and taught me “give others even when it hurts you, because it’s the right thing to do”.
My friends through work: All of them amazing women. They were my role models.
My friend GMS: A finer mind I am yet to encounter. Awesome engineer, superb author. In her I found kinship, literally, our stories about our families would be identical except we came from worlds half way across globe. She proved to me humanity is the same in all cultures from all over the world, its just the little matters that differ!
My dear sister D. My love, my lifeline and my mentor in every way, though she is younger than me.
My daughter L. The miraculous personification of all my dreams. One of the two reasons why I get up every morning to fight and make this world a better place.
And many others more who touched my life in ways small and big. Whenever I had issues, needed help, one of them was there to give me a hand up. They were there to encourage me, root for me, love me, respect me and believe in me. To all these women I express my gratitude. To me the women of the world are like the veins in the leaf, forming and holding the strong bonds. They are the ones who make it possible to create the sustainability in life. They help because they know one day they might need help. They understand the cycle of life, the strength in numbers. They know they are indispensable, and yet they prepare meticulously for the day they are not there.
Whenever there is conversation about women’s capability to survive in any field or encounter attitude dismissive of their contribution, I would like to point out that in my life all these women and more made a difference in my life. I do my duty as a human on this earth only because these women gave me a chance and taught me skills. I just don’t exist like a homo sapiens sapiens. And I hope I too can make a difference to others just like these women.